The role of caregiving can provide great joy and complete frustration – all at the same time. I know, I’ve done it. I had the privilege of caring for my sister Joyce as she battled colon cancer and for my mom as she struggled with COPD and lung cancer. While I knew I was doing the right thing at the right time, it was sometimes difficult. I remember a few instances where the frustration took over.
I walked out of my mom’s house in tears, drove an hour home and told Denis (my husband) I’m never going back. And because he is such a wise man, he said to me, “Babe, she’s your mom, you have to go back”. And I did… again and again and again.
My mom lived alone. She was on oxygen 24/7, slept a lot, was not eating or taking proper care of herself. She agreed with reluctance to look at a few Assisted Living Facilities, which I later concluded was for my benefit, not hers. I took her to several.
I made the appointment, drove the hour to get her, took her to the location, she appeared to love it, drove her home and then drove myself home. I gave it a few days and when I asked her what she thought, “No, that’s not for me.” It was after one of these visits that I had my meltdown.
There are some regrets on my part. I should have been more compassionate. I should have given more of my time. I should have… the list goes on in my mind. But, on the flip side, I know deep down that I did what I could at that moment. It’s what caregivers do day in and day out – the best they can do at the moment.
One of the things I did for my mom and Joyce, is provide gentle touch. I massaged Joyce’s hands and feet in the infusion center as she received chemotherapy every other Thursday. I held my mom’s hands during difficult tests or doctor visits. She didn’t want me to rub them. “Just hold them”, she’d say. And I did.
I’ve been a massage therapist for 12 years. I specialize in gentle touch massage for those with chronic medical conditions and for those at the end of life. I see its many benefits firsthand:
- Reduced stress
- Reduced pain
- Reduced anxiety and depression
- Deep relaxation
- Improved sleep
But… what does the actual research say? There are many studies out there, but the one I selected to highlight today is one that shows that teaching caregivers how to provide gentle touch massage to their loved ones is beneficial.
Would you, as a caregiver, consider providing touch to your loved one? I would love to teach you how.
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A feasibility study of caregiver-provided massage as supportive care for Veterans with cancer.
Patients were highly satisfied with receiving touch from their partners regularly. Post-massage symptom scores showed statistically significant decreases in pain, stress/anxiety, and fatigue. Perceived burden of data collection instruments was high, particularly for patients.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24400393
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Would you, as a caregiver, consider providing touch to your loved one? I would love to teach you how. Get in touch.
Susan Gee, LMT
501-915-4012