When I was a kid, my mother would use the saying, “That’s enough to make your hair curl.” She was referring to silly things like overflowing the bathtub… “There’s enough water in there to make your hair curl!” OR, using too much toothpaste, “That’s enough toothpaste to make your hair curl.” Like I said, silly things, but I remember it clearly.
As I reflect on her comment, I’m reminded of being “enough”. It took me a long time to accept that my presence and touch IS enough. When I’m providing skilled touch intentionally, and showing up intentionally, it IS enough.
As you think about providing gentle-touch massage for someone who is ill or at the end-of-life, do you ever ask yourself, “Can I handle it emotionally?” “Am I ready”?
The reason I ask is I want to assure you that if you have the desire – that deep desire in your heart – you can overcome the doubt.
Many are drawn to the work, but are unsure about their readiness. They’ll ask, “Am I enough to work with the sick and dying?” They question if they’re ready for the emotional burden. Losing someone we have cared for is emotional and can be difficult to process.
As you consider being ready, remember these three things:
Be Prepared
Be Patient
Be Persistent
Many of us are trained to “fix”:
- Massage therapists are trained to fix the pain, fix the tight muscle, fix the…
- Medical professionals are trained to fix the pain, fix the discomfort, fix the…
- Caregivers – those caring for loved ones, parents, grandparents – want to fix the pain, want to fix the hurt, fix the…
When we work with the sick and dying we must leave the “fixing” or “healing agenda” at the door. We must fully show up to provide a safe, restful place adequate for healing – whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. We must accept that everyone we touch might not get well. And, probably most important… we must accept that our presence and skilled touch are enough.
Skilled touch is an intimate exchange. We must honor the client where they are instead of trying to fix, change outcomes, correct the situation, or heal illness. Massage does not heal.
How do we learn to accept that the session is enough? That we’re enough?
BE PREPARED:
Before you can begin the journey of providing skilled touch for the sick and dying, you must be prepared.
Seek training from a reputable instructor. Give the course your undivided attention and soak in all you can. Seek one that not only prepares you with touch skills, but one that provides emotional training and support.
Most people gain the ability to be emotionally ready when they gain confidence in their touch skills. Practice is essential.
BE PATIENT:
Be patient with yourself. As with any new hands-on skill, learning to be confident takes practice and comes as skills are perfected. Working with illness and death takes extra practice.
BE PERSISTENT:
Don’t give up. If your goal is to work with the sick and dying, you must be persistent. There will be days that you didn’t perform your best. It happens to all of us. Persistence comes when we can put that performance behind us, learn from it and move on to the next opportunity.
When you are prepared, patient and persistent you will reach the point that you can confidently say, “What I’m doing for this person right now IS enough.” It’s understanding and internalizing that being there is more important than the touch. Being present – really present – intentionally present – takes time.
The following are some of the things I do to help me stay emotionally healthy and cope with loss:
- I know I’m answering the call of my heart. I can’t imagine NOT working with the sick and dying.
- Rituals/Cermonies – I remove my name badge in the car before coming into the house. Signals me that my work for the day is done and I can focus on myself and those at home.
- Journaling – some find it helpful to make notes about the patient visit or reflect on feelings and emotions.
- I like to find something in the space that tells me who this person was before the current situation. For example: a picture, a painting, an award, a calendar, jewelry, hats, bibles, books, etc.
- Send a sympathy card – I like to send a sympathy card to the family when my patient dies – it provides closure for me and provides support for the family.
- Attending funeral – I typically don’t attend the funeral, but I know many therapists who do. It provides closure and support for the family.
You CAN do this work. You truly ARE enough.
Remember, be prepared, be patient and be persistent. There’s a lot more between the lines of those three phrases, but it’s a good place to evaluate your intentions and ask if you’re up for the work ahead.
In my digital courses, I offer specific massage techniques and ways to modify them for this population, in addition to addressing the emotional side of the work. The key words I use as I teach, Safer, Shorter, Slower, Softer.
For example: You must learn to move slowly in all you do – on and off the body. Move slowly, speak slowly and provide gentle-touch massage slowly.
If you’re doubting your abilities, I encourage you to seek training, a mentor, a course… something to give you the confidence to move forward.
Questions? Comments? Please reach out. I’d love to connect with you in my private Facebook community – Gentle-Touch Basics – a place to share your heart, your struggles and your victories.
