What does presence mean? A few descriptive words: exist, companionship, being
I’ve learned that intentionally “being there” is just as important as the massage stroke I deliver. This concept can be difficult to grasp. So, let’s think through it a little.
I want to take you back to a time when you were hurting or afraid. Do you have a specific event in mind?
Good.
When thinking about that specific event, did it help to have someone near you? Even if they weren’t doing anything specific – they were simply there with you? Deliberately there with you?
That’s what presence is. Being present for another. It doesn’t require anything more. Simply being there with the intent of being there. Not distracted or doing something else, but really being there.
This concept can be an important part of being with others. Sometimes, your loved-one will simply want you to hold their hand to provide comfort. That was the case with my mother. She’d say, “don’t rub, just hold” and I did… with as much gentle, loving care as I could muster.
In addition, I was mindful that my presence – me simply being there – was more important than the way I held her hand or the touch I provided.
The concept of presence – or simply being with another – can be difficult to grasp initially. But, with time and intentional effort, you’ll soon be a pro.
I encourage you to give it a try. Here’s what it might look like:
1. Enter the space in which your loved-one occupies
2. Get on their level – if they are sitting or in bed, sit beside them. Close enough to have a conversation with a quiet voice.
3. Before offering touch or a soothing word, just be with them for a few seconds.
4. Ask your loved-one if you can hold their hand. “Would it be ok if I hold your hand?”
5. If yes, gently take their hand and simply hold it as if you are caressing a baby bird – gently, softly.
6. Place one of your hands on top and one hand underneath if possible. Encompass their entire hand into yours.
As you navigate the above process, I want you to think about:
1. How does it feel to have their hand in yours?
2. What are you noticing? The warmth or coolness of their hand? Are their fingers straight or bent? Do you need to adjust their hand or yours to provide more comfort?
3. Does this relax your loved one? Did they close their eyes, take a deep breath or indicate any form of comfort?
4. How does it make you feel? Think about your heart. What are you feeling for this person?
Holding a hand like this can take 5 minutes or 15. It all depends on the comfort it is creating; or maybe it’s creating anxiety and stress. You be the judge. Based on your loved-one’s reaction, you’ll know what to do.
Presence – it’s a very small gift we can give others. Give it a try the next time you’re with someone.
Questions/Comments? As always, I’d LOVE to hear from you. Please get in touch.
susan@progressivemassagetherapy.com